Thursday, October 14, 2010

I just keep losing it, losing it... (the weight, that is!)

You all thought I was talking about my mental health! While it's true I've lost it already, I was talking about my weight.

I found someone online who is interested in taking some of the extra milk I've been pumping, which is very encouraging to me. I have been wanting to donate milk ever since before I started breastfeeding and my breasts produce a LOT more than Amelia can drink. But milk banks and most parents won't take my milk because of the meds I take for sleeping.

As you know, I'm working on tapering them down and I've been desperate to do so so I can donate milk. But that's just another factor I don't need to give me incentive to taper down faster. I need to go at my own pace, as my body allows and not try to speed it up. So, while I'm waiting to stabilize at 1.25 before I can taper down to 1 and so on and so forth all the way to none, there's nothing to be done with the extra milk. Until now! And the great news of all this is that I am still losing weight (thanks to the nursing). Well, at least it's KIND OF good news.

See, it's one of those things where, I was already happy that I was able to fit into a size 10, but now that I bought tons of clothes in that size, none of them fit me anymore. It's great, because I feel great, but I feel like it's dangerous territory to go into because once you continue going down in size, it's hard not to get a complex when you gain weight back. So, if you never lost it, you never know what you are missing. You think, well, here's my new size. I'm going to be happy here. And then you lose more and are like, well crap. I don't want to gain more weight, but I do want to have clothes that fit, but then if I buy them and gain weight back, I'll be so sad. So it's a catch 22. On the one hand, I LOVE looking super skinny and on the other, it just makes me hope I don't gain it back. But I have to fight that mindset. And, it's hard because I've established some very bad habits of overeating and eating lots of sugary junk food...

Yet another down side is that my clothes are baggy on me except for the few things I kept from when I was on the small side that I decided to get rid of, confident I'd never fit into them ever again. Now, however, I'm too small for the vast majority of my clothes (most of them purchased 3 months and 10 lbs ago). So... what's a girl to do? I don't really feel like shopping these days--mostly because we just moved and I don't know where any good stores are and I don't really have the energy to find out... And also because I hate to spend the money when I just redid my entire wardrobe for about $300... I could try to make some clothes, but not until the new apartment is finished!


But also, really great. So, we shall see what will happen next!

1 comment:

  1. Great post! I never thought about losing weight that way. But it makes total sense since I'm always stressing out about gaining since I was heavier before. I know what you mean about not wanting to shop for clothes since you just moved and not knowing where stores are and having the energy to find them. Having just moved myself, it can can be frustrating.