30 Weeks Pregnant

Week 30: The Holidays & Reflection on 2009

What a fun week. I love the holidays. Pregnancy-wise, the baby is definitely starting to get bigger! I can really feel her moving all the time. Even when she shifts a little, I think I can feel it. Rare are the times when I feel nothing. She seems to have hiccups between 2-4 times a day for about 5-10 minutes each time--I felt the jolty movements from the start without knowing what they were, but now they are big jolty movements and I read online that those are hiccups. She shifts from one side of my belly to the other easily, which I guess means she still has room in there to move around, but she is definitely growing, which is exciting!

We traveled from Indiana to Atlanta on Monday to join my family for the rest of the holidays, and that has been really nice. My mom threw me a baby shower Wednesday with some of her friends, who I don't really know, but they still came and brought me gifts anyway, which was incredibly generous of them! Unfortunately, I got sick on my way down to Atlanta, so I've been a bit out of sorts--nothing too serious, just a cold. I'm hoping this doesn't affect the travel back too much. We go back New Year's Day, which gives us a weekend free that I plan to use to FINALLY get the baby's room started! We will be moving furniture out of that room and just generally getting organized. And, I can't wait. I feel like it's been hanging over my head for forever.

In less positive news, I've decided that I need to find a therapist. As a teenager, when my hormones were raging (similar to now), I suffered from depression. And, I feel some definite symptoms of depression lately that I haven't felt since that time. I am pretty sure they are a result of my hormones again, and I was talking to my husband about possibly starting on anti-depressants. Since we don't really know if that can affect the baby, he wants me to try talking to a counselor first, so that will be a first order of business when we return home. Hopefully, I can get myself balanced out again before baby comes! Depression really sucks, especially when you know it's from a chemical imbalance inside that you can't do much about. But I know that I will get through it. I just don't want to miss out on any of the joy and excitement of pregnancy and a new baby!

29 Weeks Pregnant

Week 29: Traveling & My Baby Shower!

This week brought lots of adventure! We are taking two weeks off for Christmas and New Years to visit our families. My husband's family lives in Indiana and my family lives in Atlanta, GA. We were supposed to leave for Indiana on Friday, and we packed up everything, drove our car to the train station, got on the train and into the airport with only an hour to spare. When we got to the check-in counter, we couldn't find our reservation and found out we'd gone to the wrong airport! Everyone asks me how I could possibly have done that, and I don't know if I have a good answer. Can I just say pregnancy brain? We were supposed to leave out of SJC and return to SFO so I must have thought we were leaving out of SFO, too. And, I'd looked online at the SFO airport and checked our "plane"--a plane that left from the SFO airport at the exact same time to the exact same place, but didn't look at the flight number, which if I had would have been wrong. We paid the money to change our flight and had to leave the next day, Saturday. So we trekked all the way back home and did the same thing the next morning, this time actually making it to Indiana!

It's a good thing too, because if we'd had to wait a day later, I would have missed my baby shower, which was on Sunday. Originally, they were going to plan it for Saturday, so it's a very good thing they decided to do it on Sunday!

All my husband's family and a few of my close friends that still live in Indiana came out (I grew up in the same area as my husband, but my family has since moved). It was great to see everyone and I got some really great stuff! Mostly a lot of clothes and blankets and some money, which I think I might like best of all since I'm only starting to realize how much stuff I'm going to need for the baby. Since I registered at alternativegiftregistry.org and Babies R Us, I expected that I wouldn't get much off the registry (the first seems to confuse people and the second they don't have in this town), but I'd specifically requested a lot of handmade and second-hand items, which is what I got! It was quite a fun time and I felt like a princess being the center of attention. I'm so thankful for my friends and family who made it so special.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

28 weeks pregnant

Week 28: Dreaming of Our Baby

A few nights ago I watched The Business of Being Born, which is a documentary done by Ricki Lake about birth options besides hospitals and doctors. It explores childbirth throughout history and the safety of birth options available to women--debunking the myth that hospital birth is the safest choice. It was very well done and interesting and I am still haunted by the images of women who were given "twilight sleep" as a pain-relief option in childbirth (my great aunt was relaying to me at Thanksgiving that this is how she birthed at least one of her children in the 1940s, but until I watched the documentary last night, I had no idea what it was, and apparently she didn't either).

Again I teared up after seeing multiple women give birth to their babies. It's such a sweet and horrifying moment all at the same time, but I'm starting to be desensitized to it, which is good. And it made me long for the moment when I can meet my baby. After watching the movie, my husband and I took some time to read a book about how to get your baby to sleep through the night that my cousin gave us. We're preparing early. And, then, I went to bed.

All these thoughts of babies apparently put the baby on my brain while sleeping, because I dreamed about our baby being born. I dreamed about the moment she comes out--about breastfeeding her and getting to hold her. It was such a sweet dream and I woke up a little sad that it wasn't true. Also very glad, since she would be premature if born today. But, you know what I'm saying.

She's been on my mind more and more lately because we go on vacation this week for the holidays and, when we get back, we will only have two months left before my due date to get everything ready! We haven't started moving things around or even really thinking about furniture for the baby's room. I'm trying not to feel overwhelmed thinking about all I have to do and just take it one step at a time. But, it's coming so fast all of a sudden and I just want to be ready for when she arrives. I feel like I have baby on the brainall the time. I'm a little worried that's all I talk about!

Repost from Facebook: How to Help a Family with a Baby in the NICU

A friend of a friend on Facebook posted this recently and since I know a lot of pregnant ladies and have babies on the brain all the time, I thought this was very insightful. Hopefully no one I know will have to go through having a baby in the NICU, but just in case, it's really cool to have some info on what you can do to help. Hope this helps you if you know someone who has to deal with it!

We have a good number of friends who have babies in the in NICU. I was thinking about ways people helped us when Isabelle was in the NICU for 3 months. Maybe it will give you ideas to help families you know who's babies are in the NICU. Post any ideas you have too.

1. Gift cards to eat out.
Since we wanted to see our baby as much as possible, we spent a lot of time at the hospital. Some kind people gave us money to eat out or looked at the restaurants around the hospital and gave us gift cards to those places. If it is a long distance, gas cards are great too. If there is a Walmart around, a Walmart gift card is great because you can get gas and essentials at the same time.

2. Helped out around our house.
Normal house stuff seems so insignificant when your baby is in the hospital. It is a blessing if other people help you with it. Volunteer to do their laundry ever 4-5 days. Ask if you can clean their house once a week when they are at the hospital. Fill the fridge with basics. This time a year shovel the snow. Babysit the kids at night. (In most NICUs children are not allowed, so it can be hard for the parents to spend time together with their baby.)

3. Meals.
Nothing beats a good home cooked meal. Meals that took little to no prep were great. Meals that had little to no clean up were great too. There is a lot of running around when your child is in the NICU, so a bag of healthy snacks are great too.

4. Hand written cards.
Hand written cards are such a blessing in a time of trial. Reading from someone's own hand a verse God has used in their life and that they love your child was so encouraging. We had children make us cards. Adults wrote us notes. A lady typed out a Ron Hamilton song ("I am your creation") for us to put up in the room.

5. Praying for us.
Praying specifically for some requests we had was the best gift of all. We wanted God to work to specific ways, and it was awesome to know other people were talking to God about our cares too!

So now, you don't have to say, "If you need anything, tell me." (Like they are going to list for you all their needs. No one ever does that.)
But now you can say, "Do you mind if I give this to you?" or "Would you want someone to do this for you?"

Hope this helps you know how to help a family who has a child in the NICU.

Also, there's more info on NICU care packages here. This is a multiple-post story, so be sure to read on past the first one!

Is it Bad that God is the Last Person I want to talk to when I'm emotional?

So, I hardly ever blog about my faith. But I gotta say that this ties in nicely to my experiences lately.

I've been emotional like nobody's business. Like a crazy person. And it's not consistent either. One day I will be fine and happy, and insults roll off my back. And the next day, every little tiny thing will set me off and I will be in tears. Ugh!

Being this teary and emotional has brought back flashbacks of high school. I was really emotional in high school--peaking right around age 18. Anyone who knew me then can attest to my ups and downs. I was vulnerable all the time--sensitive to my parents, to my school, and even sometimes to my friends. When I found pot, alcohol, and antidepressants, I thought I'd found my savior, because they regulated my emotions in a way that I was unable to do myself. It's the same now, minus the drugs, which I would definitely be doing if I wasn't pregnant.

What does all this have to do with God, you ask? Well, it was at that time that I became convinced that God was the reason for all my troubles. I blamed him for all the pain and emotion I was experiencing. I decided I hated him. I was going through a lot at the time, but the raging hormonal emotions didn't help matters. It made me confused about just about everything and forced me to survive by my emotions alone. So, when I went to church, my normal place to find solace, I actually found that thinking about God made me feel MORE emotional and vulnerable.

Both now and then when I am at my most teary, I cannot think about God. I cannot pray to God (other than maybe a quick prayer). I cannot read the Bible. Because literally nothing can penetrate the emotional wave I live on at that time. I am powerless against my emotions, struggling very VERY hard to keep it together at work (usually) or other public places. Thinking about God in that moment seems to make things worse. I get more emotional and cry more (probably because I am reliving on whatever it was that made me feel emotional in the first place). I feel like this is bad, but at the same time, I think it's an honest reflection of my vulnerability. Let's face it, God made me this way and he knows that I am powerless over my emotions at these times, which means that during the times when I am NOT feeling like an emotional mess, or I have the luxury of privacy, I can feel free to talk to him and read the Bible. And pray for those times when I won't have either, so he can at least keep them under control for me...

Anyway, this might not make sense, but I really had to get this out there. My emotions are saying so. :-)

27 Weeks Pregnant

27 weeks pregnant pics!


Less modest:

Week 27: I Can't Believe I've Come This Far

I'm in my third trimester! Holy cow!

When I was just edging out of the first trimester--around 12 weeks, I met a woman who was 27 weeks pregnant. I could barely tell she was pregnant, because she was sitting down and her shirt was rather baggy. I asked her how far along she was and she told me and I didn't know what to say. At that time, I'd only done research up until the beginning of the second trimester and, having never been 27 weeks pregnant before, I didn't know what to say besides, "Well, you're getting there!" She nodded and smiled. At that time, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to get so far as 27 weeks and now, here I am.

Right now, I feel sort of in limbo. I'm starting to feel really pregnant some days, and really normal other days. My belly is getting bigger and, again, some days it seems bigger than others. I feel the baby move and I'm starting to do more thinking about the baby's room and what we're going to need to do before she comes. I'm getting incredibly excited about meeting my baby. But, I'm also in denial that the baby will ever come! It seems so far off and like it's taking forever, even though it's so much closer than it's ever been. I'm trying to enjoy right now, though, and be patient!

I've been attending my Bradley method birth classes and learning lot about first and second stage labor. We've been watching a lot of videos and, while I still find it unsettling to think about labor, I'm starting to feel a little more confident. I can't believe that I, who started out totally confident about natural labor, would get so disturbed by watching videos of women in labor and giving birth! I can't believe myself. But at the same time, I'm glad I'm getting educated and desensitized to it. I think that is what I need right now.

Thanks to all of you who sent me encouraging emails about labor and birth. I read a really good article this week in Mothering magazine about natural labor that made me feel a bit more confident, along with more in the book, A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. The Bradley class is also really helping me learn what I need to do now to prepare myself physically and mentally, so I've been really working hard on those things and I think I'm starting to feel more confident about going through it.

New Revelation... Kids = Fun?

So, I had a revelation today. Really, really caught me off guard. A guy at my work was asking me when I was due. He's nearly 70 and has a grown daughter as well as a son in his 20s and another son who is about 19.

He said it seems like one minute you are having them, then time passes and you look back at pictures of them as babies and think, "that was the best time." He said that the time was "so fun" and everything was fun --going on vacations to fun kid places and so on.

And he made me think about it in a whole new light.

Since I've never been a person who loves kids or desperately wanted to have children, I never really stopped to consider the fun you can have with kids. Of course, I've thought that having my own child would have many fun and cute moments and it would be fullfilling and enjoyable, but I also tend to focus on the hard work and challenges. And, having been resistant to the idea of doing anything with kids for a long time, I'm starting to see the fun side. I'm starting to realize that this could be an opening to a world of fun I have never known. I will get to do fun kid things and I think that will make missing the adult things a little easier. I'm starting to think that while this is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, it's not necessarily a chapter filled with hard work, sleepless nights, and complaining about never getting to do anything fun anymore. Instead, I see it as a new chapter of fun--one that will require some effort and adjustment, but also one that will open up a whole new world to me that I'll get to enjoy and be a part of. And, that's kinda cool.

And, it doesn't rule out adult fun altogether. It just adds a new dimension and flavor to my already varied and busy life. And I like that. I'm looking forward to it!

Week 26: Thanksgiving and More!

This week was very eventful!

First, the holidays. My husband and I had a Pre-Thanksgiving party for all our friends on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. I cooked a turkey (which turned out awesome by the way--little tip: cook the turkey breast-side down), stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and gravy, and everyone else brought lots of food. It was delicious and tons of fun! Although, I think it's getting a little harder to host big parties like that because I get tired so easily.

Then we went to Santa Barbara to visit my uncle for Thanksgiving. We got to spend a lot of time with my 6 year old cousin which was really fun and interesting for us. For one thing, Aaron loves kids and he spent nearly all his time hanging out with her. It was so adorable. They played video games and other games together and it was so sweet to get a tiny picture of our future with a kid. He's going to be the best father ever! On the other hand, we took her out on a walk one day and she got bored very easily. I wanted to keep walking and going, but she wouldn't do it. And, she got hungry. So, we had to stop, get her some food, and cut our time out short. Then, she got something in her eye and we couldn't even make it back to the car. I had to wait with her while Aaron got the car so we could take her home ASAP. This was a really interesting learning experience for me. I think I'm really going to have to learn how to be flexible and open-minded. Kids don't always follow my agenda (if they ever do). I think I'm in for a big adjustment!

Second, I decided to dye my hair. Before you get upset that I polluted my body and my baby with chemicals, let me say that I did not make this decision lightly. My doctor's office said that you could not dye your hair during the first trimester and, fundamentally, I am against doing it at all during pregnancy. But then my doctor said that she did it while she was pregnant and she didn't seem to think it was a big deal. I did my own independent research on hair dyes and pregnancy and found very conflicting opinions and research. Everything from "It's no big deal! Go for it" to "absolutely never ever." In the end, it looks like research has been inconclusive. So, I did some research on natural dyes that worked and semi-natural dyes (like Aveda) and decided I would do Aveda, since they have very few chemicals in their hair dye. Then, I found the cosmetics database online which rates all kinds of skin, hair, and makeup products for potential toxins and I found out that Aveda was ranked 6 out of 10 (10 being the most toxic) and really wasn't that great after all. But, it was less toxic than most hair dye. So, considering this, and that I could save money by dyeing my hair at home, I found another hair dye rated the same as Aveda that I could do at home. And I used that. I wouldn't have done it at all, except my hair was three different colors from dyeing it blond last year.