Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Today is a Good Day

Just on the heels of two bad ones in a row comes a good day.

What makes it a good day? That's what my therapist asked me. Basically it boils down to: I have energy and I feel happy. I feel like there is light in the tunnel. Or maybe like I'm out of the tunnel. I feel lighter and it feels like there are possibilities--like maybe I could make or do something. I can concentrate. I don't feel fear or anxiety. I don't feel sad or depressed. I got good sleep last night. I'm not worried about my sleep tonight (because I don't have to work tomorrow). I feel thankful and happy that I don't have to work tomorrow. I don't mind working. I am able to work well and effectively without feeling incompetent.

Amelia took her first steps on Saturday! She is getting so big! I love her so much.

Lately I've been struggling with accepting my new life. I'm not going to be able to get things I want to done. I have to accept that. I'm not going to be able to go out with my friends until I feel ready. I'm happy to accept that, but a little sad that I am missing my friends. I am having the most trouble realizing I won't get to sew much in the near future. I didn't mind so much when I accepted this to be the case. But now I REALLY want to sew some things and it's tough to accept this as reality. I was okay with it for the first year. Now I'm itching to get stuff made! But, trying to get sewing done is just too stressful. I can't put pressure on myself to get things done. It is just too much. I need to focus on what I need to/have to do: work, take care of my baby, and take care of myself. Anything beyond that needs to just go to the wayside for now. And I need to make my peace with that... and yet I still hold out hope!

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